Each one of us has our triggers and situations or moments or persons that reveal them. At work, this is more likely to happen due to time spent and diversity of situations we are thrown in: a comment lands the wrong way, a decision goes against what you believe in, someone oversteps a boundary. And before you know it or can even think of hitting the emotional brakes, you’ve already reacted. Might be that your tone of voice sharpens. Maybe you withdraw. Maybe you go full defensive mode. And in most cases afterwards, we have our “Ugh!” moment – “That… that’s not how I wanted to handle that situation.”
These reactions aren’t random. They’re triggers. And they pop up when the situations or interactions that we are in at the moment meets eeeeeverything that’s going on inside: old patterns, stress, values being stepped on, or might just be a lack of clarity or understanding on what really matters in that moment.
In these situations – well, not in the situation since we’re likely too busy reacting on the trigger – but after such moments, it’s great if you have a coach or someone in an equivalent position to turn to. And while I do recommend having an actual coach and coaching session to untangle your triggers and the situations they created, not everyone has this option or we might not have it in a timely manner.
It’s in these situations where I’ve personally started playing with and using Gen AI tools like ChatGPT or Perplexity as a sparring partner or even a stand-in coach for topics like these. Especially in situations where I find myself going “Why did I react like that?”.
Here’s how I go about it and how you might also try it for yourself.
1. Acknowledge The Trigger
First, acknowledge and be open that it was a trigger and make the implicit explicit. Most of the times it is just a mental reflection or I write it down in my notes. But other times I just open ChatGPT and write something like:
“Hey, something happened today in an interaction with X. A stakeholder cam in and demanded that we drop everything and focus on their priority. I lashed out after saying no and afterwards fealt really bad about how I reacted to it. That was not me, or at least not the me I want to see or be. Can you help me unpack this situation and maybe discover what happened?”
The point is to acknowledge and start exploring. You’re starting a conversation with yourself about the triggers and Gen AI is just there to help you unlock new perspective or dig deeper.
2. Explore What’s Below The Surface
The GenAI tool should not be used to give you answers as any that are provided are likely to lack a lot of context. And that is not the point or the roal of a coach either. But you can use effective or good prompts to help Gen AI act more like a coach and ask the right questions to explore and get closer to the root causes of your triggers.
Here’s a version of the prompt that I use:
You are an experienced coach and I am your coachee.
I have reached out to you because something triggered me at Enter_Place_Situation_Here.
Your goal is to help help me unwrap the situation and uncover potential perspectives to understand the root causes of my trigger.
You can ask questions and highlight parts of my answers that you believe might be relevant or significant to understanding the trigger and situation.
You should not try to offer solutions or answers unless I specifically ask you for them.
When you feel that I have understood my trigger, check whether that is the case and if true, help me draw out some action points for myself and then conclude the coaching session.
Feel free to start the session as a coach would.
3. Learn And Potentially Heal
What I like about using Gen AI in this way is that it can create a low/no pressure reflective space when you need it. It’s not a colleague, or your spouse or friend and it’s not your team lead or manager. So you can be honest and put all the cards on the table. You can dig around in the uncomfortable stuff.
And the most important thing: it doesn’t try to fix you or bias you with their approach – it listens, reflects and then prompts you to think and view things from different angles.
Final Thoughts
Using Gen AI as a sparring partner will not be at the same level or a replacement for your coach and normal coaching sessions. But as a day-to-day reflection partner? It’s been surprisingly capable.
So if and when you catch yourself going “Why did I react in that way?” – try giving your Gen AI tool a shot. Not to get answers from it, but to help you ask yourself better questions. You might be pleasantly surprised at how much clarity such a session can provide.
Recent Comments